December 8th, 2017 was a day that changed our lives forever. This is the day that we met our sweet girl, Esther (Essie) Grace.

My husband, Calvin, and I were almost two weeks overdue by the time we ended up being induced. We had spent the final two weeks in a state of anxiousness hoping that any moment our baby would decide to arrive on their own. Our goal was to have the baby naturally and without any medical interventions so the thought of being induced was not our ideal plan. We spent the final two weeks in prayer that this baby of ours would be able to get the labor process started before we had to be induced. We were so fortunate that we had a whole community of people in prayer with us. I have never felt so covered in prayer as the time drew closer for us to be induced. It is such a strange feeling going into the hospital knowing that on the other side your lives would be radically different.

 

As much as I feared being induced, it turns out that all my body needed was a little help to start the process. We went to the hospital at midnight to begin the induction. The nurses started by administering a medicine under my tongue to soften my cervix. I was less than 1 cm dilated when we started the process, but the baby was sitting low and was in a good position. We thought starting the induction in the middle of the night seemed strange, but it turned out to be wonderful because we were able to spend the morning resting as the medicine slowly started to work. By 8 am my contractions had started to pick up on their own and we were told they would not need to give me anymore interventions at that time. This was so encouraging, as I was really hoping to avoid the dreaded pitocin and foley bulb!

 

At this point I was feeling restless and just wanted to walk, but I had to be hooked up to an IV, have monitors on my belly, and wear a blood pressure cuff since I was induced. The nurses were so supportive of our wishes and had taken the time to go over our birth plan so they knew how much I wanted a natural birth. Our nurse took the time to secure an intermittent monitor so I could walk the halls. I think being able to walk made all the difference because by noon I had progressed to 6 cm! Our nurse was so excited about our progress and told us that since labor was going so well we could be removed from the monitors. Her genuine excitement at our being able to be taken off the monitors was so encouraging!

 

Once removed from the monitors I was able to labor in the shower. My contractions were getting much more intense and being under the hot water was amazing. This also allowed Calvin and I some time to ourselves. He sat in the bathroom with me and encouraged me exactly how I needed. The whole labor was such a special bonding time for Calvin and me! We had a doula who was a great source of extra help, but ultimately Calvin was the best labor coach I could have asked for.

 

After being in the shower my contractions had really ramped up and we were getting closer to 8 cm. This is when the real challenge began. Throughout the time leading up to our labor my prayer had been that the process would be a chance to grow closer to the lord. In the beginning stages of labor it was easy to listen to my music, lean my head back and breathe, and then pray, but as the contractions intensified this became more of a challenge. To me this mimics my life with God. It is so much easier to look to the lord in times of ease and praise him, but when your mind is filled with hardship it is so easy to wander. I really had to work at reminding myself that the hardship I was enduring was worth what I would receive on the other side.

 

The pain was pretty intense and I remember looking at Calvin saying “I can’t do this” and questioning “Why did I want to do this naturally?”. He was encouraging and helped me stay focused. For us there was no greater bond than looking into each other’s eyes and knowing that the person you love most is there for you in your greatest time of pain. By 8.5 cm I really felt the urge to push but my body wasn’t ready yet. The nurse told me that if I pushed at that time I would risk injuring myself, so I had to wait until I got to 10 cm. At this point my water was not fully broken and she thought that if it was broken it would help get me to 10 quicker.

 

We had to wait for a little bit for the doctor to arrive, but once she did she broke my water. This helped get me to 10 cm quickly and I was allowed to push. In the back of my mind I remembered my friend who had pushed without an epidural for 3 hours and I was determined to do all I could to get my baby out as quickly as possible. The work or pushing was hard and intense and I was yelling a lot more than I thought I would. At this point a nurse in the hallway heard me yelling and came in to tell me to be quiet, breathe deeply, and focus my pushing. This was some of the best advice I received and within 35 minutes of pushing our baby was out.

 

We did not know the gender of our baby so when they set Essie on my chest it was such a surprise to realize it was a girl! We both thought we were having a boy so I spent the next half hour repeating “It’s a girl....we have a girl!”. The relief you feel once your baby is there is so overwhelming! The hard work is done and your lives are dramatically different from that moment forward. We were so thankful that she was healthy and that the labor had gone so well. The doctor and the nurses were so wonderful and we really can never thank them enough for all that they did!

 

As I sit writing this with my baby girl sleeping in my arms I am still in awe of the whole process. You try to imagine what life with a baby will be like, but there is nothing like having them here. It is such a beautiful time of transition in your life where we have felt such intense moments of both anxiety and joy! My prayer had been that the labor would bring me closer to the Lord, but learning to become a mother to Essie has been the real process of growing closer to God. There have been so many fears for my baby that I have had to turn over to the Lord. Already I know becoming a mother was the best decision I have made because it has grown me in ways I could not have imagined. I am so grateful to Essie for coming into our lives and teaching me what it looks like to remain in the moment. I don’t have to be fearful of the future because God will be with me in that time. Instead I get to rest in his presence and enjoy the gift that is our baby girl!

So let me give a little back story. My first labor and delivery of my daughter, Ella, went the exact opposite of how I always imagined it would. I let my own fears of going too far past my due date convince me to get induced when I was 8 days overdue. My labor ended up being 28 hours long, I got an epidural after the first 11 hours, was stuck in bed the rest of the time, got threatened with a c-section because I was still at 4cm after 24+ hours, and tore in two places needing stitches. I strongly believe that the induction process caused all of these issues, along with me pushing too hard as a result of being numb.

So I decided my next birth was going to be exactly what I wanted, and I made a plan. I prayed consistently throughout my second pregnancy and thanked God that my exact wishes would come to pass. The things I specifically believed Him for were: that I would go into labor on my own and not need to be induced (my husband wasn’t comfortable with me going more than two weeks over), that my water would break on it’s own, that I wouldn’t need any medical intervention or drugs, and that I wouldn’t tear. I also believed God that my baby, Nora, would have no complications with her health whatsoever, and that she would be able to breastfeed (my first daughter wouldn’t latch, so I had to pump my breast milk for her entire first year).

My contractions started around 12:45 PM on my due date (December 27, 2017). They were still about 15 minutes apart for a couple of hours, so I told my husband to stay at work until things started to pick up. By 3:00 PM, the contractions were consistently 3-5 minutes apart, so my sweet doula and friend, Connie, came over to monitor me. Her advice was to wait to go to the hospital until my contractions were too painful to talk through, which didn’t happen until around 11:00 pm. So in the meantime, my best friend and birth photographer, Chelsea, also came over to snap pictures and hang out while I labored at home. My contractions were 2-3 minutes apart the entire time I was at home, but it was such a peace-filled time. We all talked, watched TV, snacked, and prayed together as I labored and waited. I loved that I got to spend time with my daughter during the process and be home to put her to bed before I headed out to have her little sister.

We got to the hospital around midnight, and my husband, Derrick, and I headed into triage. They checked me and said I was around 5cm. I wasn’t sure how long I was going to be in labor, and I was starting to get a little bit worn out, so we got coffee and walked the halls while we waited to be put into a room. The contractions were very strong by that point, so I had to stop every few feet and hold onto Derrick until the next one passed. By the time they got us into a room it was around 1:15 AM. We went out to the waiting room to get the sleeping Chelsea and Connie, and from that point on they never left our sides. We diffused some essential oils in our room and turned on some worship music.

I brought my own robe and clothes to labor in this time, but once we were in our room and labor was going strong, I couldn’t even think about changing. It didn’t take long for me to throw up, but it only happened once, and Connie was there to hold my hair back. I had never experienced this part of labor before without pain medication, so it was pretty intense. There were a couple of moments when I felt like I couldn’t do it on my own anymore and I would start to become afraid, but it never failed that a song would start playing right then that reminded me who was really in control, and I would turn my eyes back to Jesus. Connie, Chelsea, and Derrick would intermittently pray over me or offer a few words of encouragement. If I was tensing up during a contraction, they would remind me to relax. Derrick stayed by my side as I walked around the room and found different positions to labor in, and he massaged my back when I was really uncomfortable.

After the first hour, my midwife said I was around 7cm. My water still had not broken, and she told me she could break it for me to speed the process along. But I had believed God for my water to break on it’s own and I knew it would. So I soldiered on through the pain with contractions still coming every couple of minutes.

After the second hour, my midwife said I was around 9cm, but my water still had not broken. She had me try laying on my side with a big peanut-shaped ball between my legs, and after a few contractions laying that way I felt my water break! They were immediately concerned because the color of the fluid told them Nora had a bowel movement in the womb. I don’t know how to explain it, but I had such peace in that moment that I was not afraid for her safety at all. I think it was because another one of God’s promises had just come to pass with my water breaking, so I knew everything else I believed Him for would happen, including my baby being safe and healthy.

After that, the time seemed to fly by. I stayed in bed until it was time to push. My midwife tried to tell me to wait, but there was no stopping it. My body knew what it was doing, and I could feel it helping me to push her out. The pain was so intense, but knowing it was coming to an end and that I was about to meet my baby girl made me almost crave it. Once she was out, I felt immediate relief and bliss spread over me. It was such an indescribable feeling, and I’m so thankful that I had Chelsea there to capture those priceless moments. When I look back at the pictures, I almost feel like I’m there again, and because of her I’ll never forget it.

I didn’t tear at all, so I didn’t need stitches or any pain medication. Nora latched on and breastfed on our first attempt, and I spent the following hours with her and Derrick, soaking up the complete and utter perfection of her first day of life. I give all the glory to God for bringing to pass EVERY SINGLE PROMISE that I prayed and thanked Him for. I felt completely saturated in peace throughout the entire labor and delivery process, and I’m so thankful to have gone through it with the people that I did.

On the morning of Salem’s birth, I felt the need to clean out the fridge, roast some veggies and fruits that would soon go bad and make some meals for the upcoming days. I spent two hours chopping and roasting veggies and chicken, making berry crisp and getting the kitchen cleaned up. I had planned on taking my 12 month-old son, Shep to our friend Ellie’s pool that day. We had been going there a couple times a week for the past month or so and I knew this would be our last trip so I was determined to get there. Our friend Bri and her baby, Kahlo were going with us this time so they got to our house around 11:00 am and we began the hour-long journey to Ellie’s house.

I started having some “annoying Braxton-Hicks'' around noon. I had been having some crampy Braxton-hicks in the couple of days prior but they weren’t consistent and not quite as strong as what I was feeling once we got to Ellie’s. I probably had a few of these crampy Braxton-Hicks throughout the morning and on the way to the pool but I definitely started having them somewhat consistently while I was in the pool. My friend Caitlin is an apprenticing midwife and would be attending my birth. She also came to the pool with us so I asked her if they were real contractions or not because they weren’t super painful but just getting annoying. She thought I could be in early labor but I didn't want to get too excited about it. Around 2:00 I asked her to do our weekly check-up because I wanted to start heading home in case labor was starting. We did the check-up and left for the hour drive back home around 3:30. I continued to have the crampy Braxton-Hicks on the ride home and I checked the clock each time, they were about 5-6 minutes apart.

I made it home and asked for my husband to stop working so he could take care of Shep. I tried cleaning up a little around the house and preparing for the birth. I had a couple of intense contractions so we asked our friend Jess to come over and help with Shep while Shamus finished setting up the birth space and getting snacks ready. Even though we had been preparing for weeks, it felt like there were a lot of little things that needed done and it was a little overwhelming for me. The contractions quickly became “real”. I remember having one while I was on the phone with the midwife while I was asking “how do I know when I should ask you to come?” and it almost put me into tears. I started needing to make deep noises while having them and my husband was timing them about 3-4 minutes apart so the midwives agreed to head our way. Our doula, Ellie got there around 6:45 or 7 and the midwives arrived around 7:30 pm.

I labored on the couch until the midwives got there and started to fill up the birth pool. It felt best to me to sit on the couch with my legs out, my head thrown back and arms open. I knew I needed to be as relaxed as possible during contractions. Once the pool was ready, I went upstairs and got in. The water wasn’t very warm and my contractions began to space out while in the pool. I quickly got out and jumped in the shower with my husband. I would hold his forearms and press the top of my head into his chest while I had a contraction. They quickly regained intensity in the shower. I started feeling hot in the shower so we got out and I laid in our bed in the same position that I was in while laboring on the couch. I coped by making open-mouth, deep-throat noises and grabbing onto my husband’s arm. Eventually, I asked for Ellie to come close so I could grab her arm on the other side. I did not want to be touched at all, I think even the sensation of water on my skin was too much. I didn’t want any noise either, I just needed to feel like I wasn’t alone while I trusted my body to bring my baby down. I could feel each contraction getting more intense, sometimes I would have two on top of each other. I stayed in the bed for the majority of my labor, dozing off in between contractions, snacking on some watermelon, and getting up to pee once or twice. After a couple of hours, I started to feel a “poop” sensation and I had to bring my legs up during a contraction. I could feel her getting lower and lower. Around 11:40 pm Ellie suggested that I move into a new position or get in the tub. The water in the tub had become cold again so they were trying to drain some water out and refill with hot water. I moved close to the tub and decided it was still too cold for me to get in so I just got on all fours next to the tub. The contractions immediately became more intense in this position and my body began to push as I’d have a contraction. It felt uncontrollable and instinctual to just let my body do what it needed to do. I didn't have any discharge, or bloody show all throughout my labor, which I was surprised by. I remember pushing and feeling a “pop” -- I asked Caitlin if she could see the head because to me it felt like she was right there! I realize now that that was my water “breaking” even though no water came out because her head was firmly in contact with my cervix. I continued to have the fetal ejection reflex with each contraction. I could feel her head move down and then back up as I pushed. The lower she moved into my vagina the more burning I would feel but I was surprised to still feel relief when I wasn’t having a contraction. The more burning I felt, I knew I was closer and closer to meeting our sweet baby. I kept repeating “she’s worth it” and “I’m having a human” -- these kept me grounded in remembering how significant this birth is. It was about the pain but about the life I would soon be bringing into the world.

My husband was behind me, ready to catch our baby. I pushed one more huge push and her head came out. I could hear my husband crying and saying “she’s here, baby, she’s here” and this gave me the calmness and motivation to get her the rest of the way out. I had to wait for the next contraction and then I pushed her body out. The massive amount of relief that I felt when she came out was SO GOOD. I heard her cry then they passed her up to me between my legs. She felt so tiny and warm. She wasn’t crying loudly but I could tell she was okay and I instantly knew that she was a sweet, peaceful little baby fitting her name, Salem which means “peace”. She latched onto my breast right away, without any effort, probably the quickest breast crawl I had ever seen. I was still on my knees so my husband sat down behind my and I laid down on him. Someone brought me a popsicle because my throat was sore from moaning (and screaming) during the pushing. Eventually, we moved to the bed and waited for the placenta to detach. I had a pretty short cord (with both babies) so this made it a little difficult to maneuver. I had a lot of discomfort waiting for the placenta to come out. I could tell it was big because it felt like another baby needed to come out. My midwife gave me an herbal tincture called Angelica to help the placenta release once we were approaching one hour postpartum. Quickly I had the urge to push and the placenta came out -- again such great relief.

We snuggled on our bed as the midwives checked my fundus and made sure Salem and I were doing well. Normally they would have mom and baby do an herbal bath but I just wanted a shower so after the cord was cut I took a quick shower and Shamus brought Salem to me so I could wash off some of the blood that had dried on her head. After the shower they did a newborn exam -- she weighed 8 lbs. 3 oz., 20.5” long and born at 40 weeks 1 day.